You Know Your Candidacy is in Trouble if...

... you're still wearing that 'I Love Gloria' shirt.

... you're still wearing that 'Big Mike Rocks Big Time' shirt.

... your opponent's text mate is Virgilio Garciliano.

... your opponent's golfing buddy is Benjamin Abalos.

... you have the same sense of humor as John Kerry.

... you have the same political ideology as George Bush.

... your bumper sticker says, 'Administration Loves the Nation.'

... your other bumper sticker says, 'Palparan For Life.'

... you still believe in honest elections.

... you still believe that the COMELEC is an independent body.

... you still believe that agriculture funds are utilize for agricultural purposes.

... your vision of political future is Mike Defensor.

... your vision of political idealism is Prospero Nograles.

... you were part of the Congressional Contingent during the Pacquiao-Morales bout.

... you were part of the Annual Atienza Pacquiao Motorcade after the bout.

... your political strategist is Bobby Briliante.

... your political strategy involves cases to suspend incumbent officials.

... you join the administration's senate slate.

... you join the the Romulo Macalintal for Justice Secretary Movement.

The Break-Up

There’s a brewing typhoon near the Pasig River and it will hit the Palace anytime soon. The in-fighting between Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s cabinet members has been the subject of public speculations these past few days. Triggered by a malicious remark from the eternal malice Raul Gonzales; three prominent officials namely, Avelino Cruz, Eduardo Ermita, and Mike Defensor have been laundering their political as well as personal hatred with one another. Gonzales made a comment that a certain law firm is celebrating after the monumental 8-7 Supreme Court decision junking the administration-initiated People’s Initiative. Afterwards, Cruz made a public statement that Plan B also known as ConAss will also be jettisoned if the Lower House continues to ignore the Senate. Cruz is a founding member of ‘The Firm.’ Analysts and gossipmongers believe that the triumphant law firm Gonzales is insinuating and ‘The Firm’ are one and the same. If there are some truth to this buzz, how would ‘The Firm’s’ most important client reacts? Unless you live under the proverbial rock of apathy, the important client goes by the name Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.

The All Saint’s Day editorial of The Philippine Daily Inquirer has an interesting perspective as it tries to make light of this squabble. It believes that this is all about power. The Lakas-CMD (Ermita), the LP-Atienza wing (Defensor), and the Kampi (Arroyo) have been jostling for the prime minister position in case the parliamentary system will flourish. How? Constitutional Assembly because People’s Initiative is now out of the question. No. The Supreme Court will not reverse itself. Not now when everyone except the greedy and the power-hungry are admiring its newfound independence. Going back to the quarreling clowns, I was surprised that Ermita was defending the imaginary unity of the administration. Of all the people, why him? He is not exactly the poster boy for unity and transparency. It’s pretty obvious that he dislikes Little Mike. Do I have to enumerate it again? Exhibit A: the Sam Macariola incident. Exhibit B: the Jovito Palparan appointment. Exhibit C: the tentative administration senatorial slate. Three of the most memorable I-declare-I-deny routine of the Ermita-Defensor comedy side show. Raul Gonzales? Let’s not even talk about him. How many people has the Justice Secretary antagonized since he assumed the cabinet position?

On the other hand, Avelino Cruz is rather different. In fairness to him, he kept his silence while the rest of Arroyo’s underlings were campaigning for People’s Initiative. I’m not even sure if he made regular public declarations supporting the passage of the Anti-Terrorism Bill. But now, he’s on the spotlight. Why is he opposing the ‘great idea of Charter Change?’ I have no idea. Will he receive the pink slip once Queen Midget returns from the Middle Kingdom? No. Jojo Robles of the administration-friendly broadsheet Manila Standard Today thinks the guy is harebrained. Robles deems it smart if Cruz would resign before he gets fired. I bet that the Defense Secretary would retain his job without having to answer the question deal or no deal from his boss. Why? Because he’s from ‘The Firm.’ It’s the same group that ironed out all the legal kinks the Palace illegal resident went through. Plus, you would not want the boys from LTA Building blowing whistles on what really happened during the 2004 Presidential Elections. Cruz is just being exploited as a scapegoat. If he’s going to be fired then why is Raul Gonzales flying to Hong Kong this week where Gloria will be vacationing? I’m just wondering. Either they both have an affinity for Mickey Mouse or he will be berated for being too talkative.

So who will win the fight? Who cares as long as Gloria looses. If this bickering contributes to Arroyo’s hasty downfall then I’m all for it.

Note to the opposition: don’t meddle in the administration internal disputes. Let them self-destruct like the Grand Old Party. After the FEMA debacle and the Foley Scandal, the Republicans are trailing in the midterm elections.

Truth Caravan and the Seven Boxes of Impeachment Evidence

Another GMA effigy burning



That's the Stop the Killings streamer



Arranging the seven boxes of evidence



Much better arrangement for all the world to see



The now ubiquitious Bayan Muna flags

After trashing the impeachment complaints filed by concerned citizens and backed by the opposition lawmakers, a Truth Caravan has been conducting a series of meetings to present the seven boxes of evidence that would be presented had the trial started.

Their first stop was in UP Diliman.

The party-list Bayan Muna headed the affair.

Here are some of the pictures I took during the event.

Sorry I was too sleepy to remember the details. Sleepiness caused by watching the Impeachment coverage and attending the State of the Nation:A Postcript forum the day before.

Stopping the Arroyo Administration 101

How do you get rid of trash? How do you get rid of unwanted baggage? How do you get rid of a trapo?

Not the lowly but extremely helpful rag. Trapo as in traditional politics.

Elections? Nah. We have seen what technology (and lots of money) could do. Leave a message -Hello Garci- and after several "noted" replies, you'll end up living in Malacanang.

Charge cases? What the F are you talking about? Charging cases (infinite cases if you wish) will not instill an ounce of fear on the trapos. No. Never.

Media expose? You pay the media and there goes the expose. Although there are exceptions. Yet as long as the Alex Magno, Belinda Olivares and company breathe - there is no way the media could act as the nation's guard.

So here are suggestions on how to get rid of the trapo BEFORE THE 2007 ELECTIONS. There should be an elections Gloria or else...

1. Kill Them. As simple as that. Bang. You're dead. Hey, if Jovito Palparan could do it against activists why not do it against these pathetic politicians. At least the activists have a sense of ideology. Traditional politicians don't. They do not have a sense and they do not have an ideology.

2. Systematic Blackmail. Oooh. I love the sound of it. It's so...so mafia. It's a no brainer that these guys (and gals) dip their hands on illegal activities and illicit affairs. You know what I mean...bring out those video cameras. You Tube here we come. Upgrade your email capacity, there's a lot of dirt to pile up.

3. Public Embarassment. I like the pie throwing done overseas. Remember that white pastry that found it's way to Bill Gates' face. Why not do it here? But no pies allowed. Pies are too tasty to touch the filthy pores of our traditional politicians. What we need is something more earth-friendly. Something more biodegradable. Dung.

4. What else...I'm still thinking. No idea coming out. Killing them is enough...oh I know. Why not include their sons and daughters? Awww. You might be saying something like, "but the sins of the fathers should not be associated with them." Not? Try talking to the son of Prospero Nograles' son who is studying in Ateneo Law School. Just try it. Believe me...you'd want to kill him too.

5. Lastly...why not WE START IT NOW.

Get off your lazy ass. Do it. Now.

Gloria Macapagal Arroyo is a Sadomasochist

I was reading the SONA breaking news accounts in ABSCBN news site and this one caught my cynical eye: ARROYO HITS POLITICAL KILLINGS.

Huh?

It only means one thing: SHE WAS HITTING HERSELF.

Who would have the liar, the cheat, and the thief is a SADOMASOCHIST.

She's condemning herself in her own State of the Nation Address.

However - and here's the huge however - she praised Jovito Palparan.

Therefore, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo is a disillusioned sadomasochist!

Read the link.

The Zenith of Cheesiness

This is not about my favorite topic Chiz Escudero.

I just had this vision (naks, vision!) of militant activists and opposition people serenading Malacanang and the house of Jovito Palparan with the song "Where is the Love."

Black Eyed Peas, pare!

What's wrong with the world momma, ika nga.

What do you think will Gloria and the rest her of her bloodthirsty minions would do to them?

Water bombing!

"F**k the love," screams Gloria.

"F**k you too," shouts the majority of the Filipinos.

Where is the love?

Don't ask this administration.

They don't know what love is.

Much more tolerance.

It’s the Ratio, Stupid

It seems that the Mike Defensor’s birthday wish for Gloria Arroyo will never come true. For those who care to remember, the Superboy(?) hoped that his president’s (?) vaunted temper will cease to explode. Before you can say what the f is that, the Manic Midget detonated first class tirades against Department of Education OIC Fe Hidalgo. Complete with a pang-FAMAS walk-out, the self-proclaimed best leader embarrassed the hapless cabinet member.

The big fuss is about classroom shortage. Hidalgo reported that there is about 6,000+ classroom shortage this coming school year. Since the cabinet meeting was covered by the media (there goes the REAL REASON for the flaring temper), it was the last thing Arroyo wants to hear. Gloria explained that there should be no shortage because she wants a one classroom is to one hundred students (1:100) ratio. On the other hand, Hidalgo maintains that the “ideal” ratio should be 1:45. Later that afternoon, Hidalgo apologized and admitted that she got her data wrong.

If you are a real Filipino, you know very well that the problem of classroom shortage is not only a persisting problem but also an old one. It seems to be as permanent as Gloria’s tooth problem. However, what really bugged me is the ratio that Gloria wants. One classroom is to one hundred students? Is she crazy? How the hell are you going to fit them all room? Well, the Manic Midget declared that it’s going to be a two-shift schedule. I’d say it’s a too shit schedule.

For crying out loud, the 1:45 ratio of Hidalgo is too much already and Gloria is demanding for 1:100. Tell me exactly Madam Cheater; do you want to defy the laws of physics? And do you really care about the country’s educational system?

Several weeks ago, there were reports showing the educational deterioration in the Philippines. It was embarrassing and saddening. With the latest pronouncements of Gloria Arroyo regarding her own “ideal” classroom to student ratio, our educational performance will continue to bring embarrassment and sadness.

Top Ten Possible Reasons why Gloria Quickly Lifted Proclamation 1017

1. Gloria doesn’t want FVR’s “waning and waning support” to actually wane.
2. Big Brother US has spoken. He doesn’t want 1017.
3. She hates the fact that Daily Tribune got more popular after she placed the country under the State of National Emergency.
4. She realized that her popularity has not improved after PP 1017.
5. Tuning to DZMM and poring over Philippine Daily Inquirer proves that 1017 has not curtailed media’s fiery statement against her.
6. GMA despises that she’s being called a dictator. She wants to be called a QUEEN.
7. She thought that 1017 would lead to a “warantless arrest” of Vicky Toh.
8. Gloria wants to get out of Malacanang after several days of hiding behind container vans. She’s missing the “chosen place” Cebu.
9. Nani Perez told her to lift PP 1017.
10. Nobody’s talking about 1017 after RUSTOM PADILLA CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET.
    

Top Ten Possible Explanations for the Malacanan Bombing

1. It's just a testing of explosives effect for a new Mikey Arroyo action film.
2. It's just a leftover fire cracker used in the recent Manny Pacquiao victory party.
3. It's just a firecracker that Malacanan will use in their victory party for successfully relegating Angelo Reyes as DENR secretary. Take that traitor-in-the-making-again!
4. It's still a firecracker, this time confiscated ones. The Palace recently ordered that all firecrackers and pyro products be confiscated in order to preempt any EDSA revolt commemoration.
5. The PSG head is the mastermind of the "bombing." He wants some media attention.
6. It's part of Mike Arroyo's Valentines gift to Gloria.
7. A simple dynamite that they were using to destroy all existing "Hello Garci" CDs.
8. It's a tool use for Virgilio Garcilliano's regular torture as punishment for his highly-comical performance in the Congressional hearings.
9. It's a tool for Mike Arroyo's regular torture as punishment for being Mike Arroyo.
10. Actually, it's a nuclear bomb test. It's part of GMA's plan to make the Philippines a first world country by year 2020.

Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's 2006 New Year's Resolution

• I will only use my mobile phones for sending text messages. No more calls.
• I will regularly send Mike (my husband) abroad for his regular exile.
• I will forbid Mike (my environment secretary) from getting cozy with audiotape technicians.
• I will not trust anyone including a cigar-chomping ex-president.
• I will still but Inquirer but will only read the columns of Belinda Olivares and Mon Tulfo.
• I will not appoint another person with an insane nickname like Joc-Joc.
• I will always remember that popular widows are dangerous to my political career.
• Insinuating that popular news anchors bailed out suspected terrorists is a BAD IDEA.
• I will not allow Mikey to make another movie so that I could gain some respect from the movie industry.
• I will not use God's name in any of my magazine interviews, unless I want lightning bolts blow me up into smithereens.
• I will try to find an equivalent of Chiz Escudero from my faithful administration lawmakers. Lord help me...
• I will replace Drilon as Senate President with Bong Revilla. Patay sila!
• I will make sure that no CDs are sent to Ignacio Bunye.
• I will join Celebrity Pinoy Big Brother para at least makaranas ako ng mataas na ratings.
• I will try to give a really sincere speech.
• I will try to smile sincerely.
• And I will regularly drink my Growee Vitamins dahil tatangkad din ako!

Top Ten Reasons Why Garci is Wearing a 'Janjalani' Head Gear

1. Bald spot is getting bigger.
2. He's getting bald. It's December. It's cold. He's head is freezing.
3. He's trying to look like an Ab Sayaff rebel - because everyone loves a rebel.
4. The fabric of the head gear contains anti-wire tapping molecules.
5. Garci thinks that the head gear would enhance his image.
6. Garci thinks that the head gear would accentuate his face.
7. The head gear is covering his passport.
8. The head gear is covering the "script" that Gabby Claudio and company made for the congressional hearings.
9. The head gear is covering the missing ballots.
10. It's actually a protective gear. What if Garci meets Mike Arroyo in a dark alley carrying a baseball bat?

Top Ten Reasons Why Noli de Castro has not Withdrawn His Support to Gloria Macapagal Arroyo

1. He sincerely believes that he cannot be a good president.
2. He faithfully follows the ABS CBN tagline - ibang magmahal ang kapamilya.
3. He doesn't want to join the opposition and sit next to Loren Legarda.
4. His wife has not made a decision on what's his stand on the "resign Gloria issue."
5. The Lopez family has not made a decision on what's his stand on the "resign Gloria issue."
6. And the Black Nazarene in Quiapo has not made a decision on the "resign Gloria issue."
7. He's still studying advance English. Para handa na siya kabayan!
8. He's still studying World History. They guy has to learn the difference between Mussomeli and Mussolini. Para mas handa siya kabayan!
9. FPJ died. Roco died. The 2004 presidentiables are dying, so he'll just wait for Gloria to die. Para walang angal kabayan!
10. Noli thinks that it's a non-issue because he thought that "Garci" refers to Garcia as in Freddie M. Garcia. Noli confidently said, "FMG has already retired. Why resign?" May punto si Kabayan!