Be Kind to Animals

By now, you have probably heard the campaign jingle against the Three Progenies of Mephistopheles: Edgardo Angara, Tito Sotto, and Tessie Oreta. Entitled ASO (based on their surname initials)and inspired by the old pop song 'How Much is that Dog in the Window, the pro-Erap and pro-FPJ has officially launched their war against modern-day traitors.

I am all for any campaign that would derail the chances of these turncoats...but why give dogs a bad name. I suggest that they put periods after each letter: A.S.O.

Dogs are the latest animals who have been victimized by politics.


Crocodiles
These reptiles are the classic metaphors for congressmen. Our prehistoric friend does not have a voracious appetite. They spend more time sleeping than eating. On the other hand, lazy congressmen spend their time sleeping AND eating. There's a huge difference.


Pig
I'll give you a thunderous right hook if you dare call Mike Arroyo a pig. Pigs are cute and useful. Mike...I'm not prepared for a libel case.


Snake
Snakes are smart animals. More importantly, they need to be smart. If you don't have legs, what else could you do but be smart? The thing is snakes need to outsmart larger predators since it's the rule of the survival of the fittest. Politicians try to outsmart others because they're power hungry. Snakes do not bite all the time; bad politicians do.


Tokay Gecko
If you regularly watch Kim Atienza's TV Patrol segment, then you know that this is the English name of 'tuko.' How many position-hungry politicians have been described as a 'tuko.' This gecko specie was made that way - having suction in its feet so that it could climb. Corrupt politicians were not; they just love to suck.



Insects
Did you know that insects are the most populous in the animal kingdom? If you keep on slandering the legacy of their thoraxes, I would not be surprised if they one take over the world. I just hope they start eating the bad eggs in politics.

P.S.
I just saw a grasshopper. It's quite big. I'm teaching it how to go to Malacanang... just in case it gigantically mutates one day.

Election Ad Campaign Watch - Now I'm Pissed Off

Last night, I was enjoying my last TV marathon for the week since Hell Week officially starts today. Hell Week is midterm examinations. I was wrong Hell Week or Hell Months started yesterday. Or even a few weeks back.

It just pisses me off to see Manny Villar and Miguel Zubiri smiling back at you while they innocently hide behind the facade of their pet bills. You must sympathize with me since a 5-day stay in the dormitory means no television. There is TV but the academic work does not permit me to exercise my rights as a couch potato.

Manny Villar
The moment I saw Jennylyn Mercado talking about violence against women and children, I knew that it is an early campaign. And I knew he was campaigning for the senate president. Why? Ms Mercado recently started her own clothing line in one of Villar's mall. Of course, you cannot accuse him of early campaign since there is nothing in the ad that says 'vote.' This is B.S. When politicians suddenly take pride of their pet bills, it means elections is just a few months away.

Eduardo Angara
His tagline 'Ang gara ng buhay,' has the natural ability of reverting my human instincts into its atavistic nature. Loosely translated, it means 'a fabulous life.' I would just like to remind you that Angara is the same guy whose diary is a significant basis for the Supreme Court's decision on the legality of Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's so-called presidency. Plus, he immediately jumped to the other side of the political fence even before FPJ died. Yeah. It is a fabulous life.

Ralph Recto
I have already articulated my annoyance to his 'Christmas message' but I definitely love to reiterate it again. Just remember that he advocated the enhancement of value added tax. Tip: if your blood rises to dangerous levels whenever you see grocery receipts, instead of screaming well-known profanities just shout 'Ralph Recto.' The value and meaning is just the same.

Miguel Zubiri
When politicians start carrying babies, you know that campaign period has started. The last time Miguel Zubiri made me laugh was when he and Jose De Venecia were surrendering Con-Ass. The representative of Bukidnon was on the verge of some major tear duct explosion. That was funny. But his bio-diesel ad is not. Analyze his ad. Do you actually believe that most Filipinos would opt to stay in our country because of the economic promise of his bio-diesel act or work overseas? Who would really benefit from his act? Small sugar farmers or the hacienderos and hacienderas?

These four clowns are just a few reasons why I decided to place the responsibility of condemning early campaigns on my cholesterol-filled shoulders. Even couch potatoes should exercise their vigilant rights for the sake of fair elections.

Did you notice that the early campaign predators are administration allies? Yes. Angara, Recto, and Villar have been loyally ambivalent for...since time immemorial. Just goes to show what pork barrell could do.