Partido Lakas Tama

Juan Miguel Zubiri assured that LAKAS-CMD remains a strong party after the De Venecia Debacle. He noted that reforms must be made for a fresh start. There are talks of a possible merger with the bully KAMPI. Rumors are floating that Prospero Pichay will emerge as the new leader of the erstwhile ruling political party.

Welcome to the world of the beleaguered Partido Lakas Tama.

Zubiri must be naïve. Nothing can stop KAMPI now that it has bumped off one of the bigger fishes of its rival camp. The last midterm elections should have been a warning sign for them. The Distinguished Gentleman from Maguindanao should take off his pair of rose-colored glasses more often.

KAMPI is probably the most brazen and power-hungry political party in recent memory since it is the brainchild of She-who-must-be-Removed. Hell… this party is a whacked-job. Moreover, it is also perhaps the funniest political cluster at present.

1.KAMPI stands for Kabalikat ng Masang Pilipino – a major insult to the entire Filipino nation
2.Ronnie Puno serves as its thug leader.
3.Luis Villafuerte is the unofficial mouthpiece.
4.The Arroyo Brothers also known as Spawns of the Midget Empress are its poster boys for reform.
5.Included in their band of noble members are the likes of Amelita Villarosa who admitted that the infamous bribe-in-the-brown-envelope were from the funds of the party.

Unification talks between LAKAS and KAMPI will prove tragic to the former. There will be no alliance but compliance. There will be no merger but murder. There will be no coalition but demolition. The Citadel of Fidel Ramos is facing an uprising. Their next move is critical. Let us wait and see if the tobacco remains lit before the year ends.

State of the Nuisance Address

For the nth time the country's favorite nuisance official will deliver the state of our nation. I hope that this one will be another rich source of sarcastic materials for the Philippine blogsphere. The administration has been consistent with this matter.

Do you still remember the three Payatas boys who made the strongest paper boats ever that contained their wishes and was sent to the president through the forces of nature and incredulity?

Do you still remember when Jollibee was elevated as an economic indicator for progress in Mindanao during her Power Point presentation?

I cannot wait for Monday.

It is not just the Fake One who delivers perfect comic flair but so does the other officials.

Can we ever forget the yin and yang performance of Jose De Venecia and Franklin Drilon? Such a priceless performance. I dare Dick Cheney and Nancy Pelosi to imitate such political prowess. They cannot. They simply cannot.

In a highly-scripted address, the audience is equally important. Their applauses and standing ovations are indeed vital to prove the magnificence of the speech. It does not matter if their well-rehearse actions do not have an ounce of credibility. In the end, the media will still report the number of applauses and ovations given to her.

For two days, I was reading the Medium Term Philippine Development Plan of the present administration as a requirement in my Social Welfare Policy class. It was nice. I felt like I was finishing three volumes of fiction tomes.

This Monday, I will be watching the State of the Nation Address. Why? There are no good fantasy films in the theaters.

Good Girl Gloria

There is a dearth of irritating news that is commendable of irreverent criticism. Senator-elect take their oaths. Ho-hum. Ronaldo Puno will replace Eduardo Ermita. Double ho-hum. The Commission on Appointments mafia would have been exciting but Herminio Teves is still keeping mum on the identities of the big shot cretins. Name names. That would be exciting. Just imagine, we will witness the grand media comeback of Prospero Pichay after a long and maddening campaign circus. Wohoo!

However, the Philippine Daily Inquirer has been headlining the supposed legacy plan of Little Gloria. Awww. How sweet. Our Little Gloria has found her heart. She wants to focus on the economy and will grant amnesties. Awww. How sweet.

Yeah right.

I wonder if the mother of Jonas Burgos will find it sweet. I wonder if the relatives of the dead activists will find comfort. Or if all the colleagues of dead journalists find happiness. Or if every Filipinos voters who got hoodwinked in the last presidential elections will celebrate her monumental plan.

I am pretty sure that the reaction is a resounding yuck. What a bitter and hypocritical pill to swallow!

Welcome to The Legacy Cram School of Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, where everything starts with illusions and ends with delusions. But I am really scared and worried of her promise. Every time she makes a promise, she breaks it and eventually shatters our nation to pieces. On the death anniversary of our national hero, she vowed not to run in the next elections because she is a divisive factor. Not only did she run; she also cheated to win. She promised to focus on economic reforms. She did and now we have an additional 12% expanded value-added taxes. It was suppose to help the economy. The Filipinos knew better and snuffed out the political career of Ralph Recto. She pledged to fight terrorism; soon enough, the journalists and militants die like ordinary house flies.

Now she is back to making promises which she calls legacy. You know what, she should stop this charade. Her legacy has been cemented the moment she called a certain COMELEC commissioner in order to ensure the safety of her fabricated votes.

I am sure that more Filipinos would remember the controversial conversation than her ten-point agenda. I am sure that more Filipinos would remember her as the woman who tried her very best to act as contrite as possible while delivering her vague apology rather than the woman who promised significant economic reforms. In short, illegitimacy will continue to hound her.

It will always be Gloria the Fake One.
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One thing is for sure, it is not our fault. It was her fault. Our only mistake is that we should have driven this Little Girl out of the Palace when we had our chance. If we cannot avoid national amnesia then we should persistently commit to memory our People Power heritage.

The Top Ten Possible Ways for Gloria Macapagal Arroyo to have a Positive Trust Rating

Note: Pulse Asia has released a new survey showing the Fake One's (dis)trust rating. In a nutshell, half of the Filipinos do not like her. Ouch. What's a little girl to do? What does she have to do to gain the trust of her countrymen? It is my duty to help a fellow citizen.

1. Let the Presidential Impeachment prosper and then proceed with a much needed Marital Annulment.

2. Appoint Luli as the chief security guard of the Ninoy Aquino International Airport as well as the Metro Railway Transit.

3. Keep Mikey Arroyo. Ask him to do things that are not related to politics and showbusiness.

4. Slap George W Bush in the face if she ever gets to have another nine minute bilateral talks (read APEC news) with the leader of the free world. Not only will it divert our attention from rampant political killings and government scandals - but it will surely gets the approval of a Democratic Congress. Who knows she might even receive the Congressional Medal of Honor?

5. Join any of fantaserye of the big networks. Ask Lopez or Gozon if you could play an evil dwarf queen. Filipinos are into fantaseryes, they might find you cute and lovable if you're part of it.

6. Or better yet, join any Koreanovela. What's a little help from a fellow Asian country to improve one's trust rating? I suggest that Arroyo would play a kimchi mascot. No. A cute and lovable kimchi mascot.

7. Join the opposition.

8. Or join Atong Ang in his cell.

9. Better yet join Estrada in Tanay. Forever. Unless Loi feels uncomfortable with the set-up. Everybody now...yuuuuuck!


10. Resignation is not an option. Ritual suicide like hara kiri or seppuku is more attractive. Stomach slashing or disembowelment is much preferred if held in Mendiola. Or in the Cebu International Convention Center.

The Break-Up

There’s a brewing typhoon near the Pasig River and it will hit the Palace anytime soon. The in-fighting between Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s cabinet members has been the subject of public speculations these past few days. Triggered by a malicious remark from the eternal malice Raul Gonzales; three prominent officials namely, Avelino Cruz, Eduardo Ermita, and Mike Defensor have been laundering their political as well as personal hatred with one another. Gonzales made a comment that a certain law firm is celebrating after the monumental 8-7 Supreme Court decision junking the administration-initiated People’s Initiative. Afterwards, Cruz made a public statement that Plan B also known as ConAss will also be jettisoned if the Lower House continues to ignore the Senate. Cruz is a founding member of ‘The Firm.’ Analysts and gossipmongers believe that the triumphant law firm Gonzales is insinuating and ‘The Firm’ are one and the same. If there are some truth to this buzz, how would ‘The Firm’s’ most important client reacts? Unless you live under the proverbial rock of apathy, the important client goes by the name Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.

The All Saint’s Day editorial of The Philippine Daily Inquirer has an interesting perspective as it tries to make light of this squabble. It believes that this is all about power. The Lakas-CMD (Ermita), the LP-Atienza wing (Defensor), and the Kampi (Arroyo) have been jostling for the prime minister position in case the parliamentary system will flourish. How? Constitutional Assembly because People’s Initiative is now out of the question. No. The Supreme Court will not reverse itself. Not now when everyone except the greedy and the power-hungry are admiring its newfound independence. Going back to the quarreling clowns, I was surprised that Ermita was defending the imaginary unity of the administration. Of all the people, why him? He is not exactly the poster boy for unity and transparency. It’s pretty obvious that he dislikes Little Mike. Do I have to enumerate it again? Exhibit A: the Sam Macariola incident. Exhibit B: the Jovito Palparan appointment. Exhibit C: the tentative administration senatorial slate. Three of the most memorable I-declare-I-deny routine of the Ermita-Defensor comedy side show. Raul Gonzales? Let’s not even talk about him. How many people has the Justice Secretary antagonized since he assumed the cabinet position?

On the other hand, Avelino Cruz is rather different. In fairness to him, he kept his silence while the rest of Arroyo’s underlings were campaigning for People’s Initiative. I’m not even sure if he made regular public declarations supporting the passage of the Anti-Terrorism Bill. But now, he’s on the spotlight. Why is he opposing the ‘great idea of Charter Change?’ I have no idea. Will he receive the pink slip once Queen Midget returns from the Middle Kingdom? No. Jojo Robles of the administration-friendly broadsheet Manila Standard Today thinks the guy is harebrained. Robles deems it smart if Cruz would resign before he gets fired. I bet that the Defense Secretary would retain his job without having to answer the question deal or no deal from his boss. Why? Because he’s from ‘The Firm.’ It’s the same group that ironed out all the legal kinks the Palace illegal resident went through. Plus, you would not want the boys from LTA Building blowing whistles on what really happened during the 2004 Presidential Elections. Cruz is just being exploited as a scapegoat. If he’s going to be fired then why is Raul Gonzales flying to Hong Kong this week where Gloria will be vacationing? I’m just wondering. Either they both have an affinity for Mickey Mouse or he will be berated for being too talkative.

So who will win the fight? Who cares as long as Gloria looses. If this bickering contributes to Arroyo’s hasty downfall then I’m all for it.

Note to the opposition: don’t meddle in the administration internal disputes. Let them self-destruct like the Grand Old Party. After the FEMA debacle and the Foley Scandal, the Republicans are trailing in the midterm elections.

Meeting with the (Dark) Clouds

"Wala akong alam sa proper make-up noh?"

Gloria Macapagal Arroyo will be the special guest (parang concert) in ULAP's meeting tomorrow.

So what's the meeting's topic?

The betterment of our country. KIDDING.

Charter Change? What else.

Just a Suggestion

Singapore. Since Gloria Macapagal Arroyo insists on being the president of our republic while moonlighting as the dictator of the Strong Republic, she should think of migrating to Singapore - and run there as prime minister. She doesn not have to push for Charter Change - their government is already parliamentary in nature.

What's with the suggestion.

Click on the title.

It seems that when it comes to activists and protesters, Singapore and the Philippines are soulmates.

Walden Bello and Anna Marie Nemenzo were banned from attending the IMF-WB meet.

The latest move of Singapore will definitely bring tears to Palaparan and Querol's eyes.

Gloria, don't you love Singapore?

Shiok?

Shyet!

Stopping the Arroyo Administration 101

How do you get rid of trash? How do you get rid of unwanted baggage? How do you get rid of a trapo?

Not the lowly but extremely helpful rag. Trapo as in traditional politics.

Elections? Nah. We have seen what technology (and lots of money) could do. Leave a message -Hello Garci- and after several "noted" replies, you'll end up living in Malacanang.

Charge cases? What the F are you talking about? Charging cases (infinite cases if you wish) will not instill an ounce of fear on the trapos. No. Never.

Media expose? You pay the media and there goes the expose. Although there are exceptions. Yet as long as the Alex Magno, Belinda Olivares and company breathe - there is no way the media could act as the nation's guard.

So here are suggestions on how to get rid of the trapo BEFORE THE 2007 ELECTIONS. There should be an elections Gloria or else...

1. Kill Them. As simple as that. Bang. You're dead. Hey, if Jovito Palparan could do it against activists why not do it against these pathetic politicians. At least the activists have a sense of ideology. Traditional politicians don't. They do not have a sense and they do not have an ideology.

2. Systematic Blackmail. Oooh. I love the sound of it. It's so...so mafia. It's a no brainer that these guys (and gals) dip their hands on illegal activities and illicit affairs. You know what I mean...bring out those video cameras. You Tube here we come. Upgrade your email capacity, there's a lot of dirt to pile up.

3. Public Embarassment. I like the pie throwing done overseas. Remember that white pastry that found it's way to Bill Gates' face. Why not do it here? But no pies allowed. Pies are too tasty to touch the filthy pores of our traditional politicians. What we need is something more earth-friendly. Something more biodegradable. Dung.

4. What else...I'm still thinking. No idea coming out. Killing them is enough...oh I know. Why not include their sons and daughters? Awww. You might be saying something like, "but the sins of the fathers should not be associated with them." Not? Try talking to the son of Prospero Nograles' son who is studying in Ateneo Law School. Just try it. Believe me...you'd want to kill him too.

5. Lastly...why not WE START IT NOW.

Get off your lazy ass. Do it. Now.

Top Ten Reasons why Gloria Arroyo Suffered a Flu

1. Sam Milby has hoarded all the available Centrum in the market that's why Gloria does not have enough vitamins.

2. Revenge of Glenda the typhoon. The typhoon felt insulted because the SONA is more destructive than her.

3. It's not flu; it's diarrhea...again. The palace is just to embarass to admit it.

4. It's not flu; it's only a FLUKE. Why? It's the last resort of the Malacanang spin doctors to actually induce sympathy and support from the Filipinos.

5. But it could be a real flu...BIRD FLU. The resemblance between Gloria Arroyo and Tweety Bird is too hard to ignore.

6. Sure, the impeachment complaints will have a hard time with all the greedy administration lawmakers blocking its chances. Sure, the protesters will have a hard time as long as Querol and Calderon is manning the police force. And sure, Gloria will never resign but as they say - THE SPIRIT IS WILLING BUT THE BODY IS WEAK AND WEAKENING.

7. She just wants Manny Pacquiao to visit her again.

8. She loves the amenities in St. Lukes Hospital.

9. It's part of her CHACHA campaign. Why? I don't know. I mean this administration will actually DO ANYTHING to get what they want. Maybe even getting a flu is one of their strategies.

10. It's just a case of "love-nat." It has been how long since she saw Nani Perez...

Gloria Macapagal Arroyo is a Sadomasochist

I was reading the SONA breaking news accounts in ABSCBN news site and this one caught my cynical eye: ARROYO HITS POLITICAL KILLINGS.

Huh?

It only means one thing: SHE WAS HITTING HERSELF.

Who would have the liar, the cheat, and the thief is a SADOMASOCHIST.

She's condemning herself in her own State of the Nation Address.

However - and here's the huge however - she praised Jovito Palparan.

Therefore, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo is a disillusioned sadomasochist!

Read the link.

You're too Much Na Gloria!

Now it's Congressman Francis Escudero's uncle gunned down. Who's next MIDGET?

You'll get what you really want Gloria if you try to even TOUCH CHIZ!

I'd tell you, you'll really get what you want.

Anak ka ng tokwa Gloria.

Mandaraya ka na, mamatay tao pa.

Pag nagasgasan si Chiz, magkakamatayan tayo!

Seriously.

Here's the Reality

The various mouthpieces of the fake occupant of the Palace is saying that the Lim video saved Gloria Arroyo.

BUT THIS IS THE TRUTH: IT DID NOT SAVE THE COUNTRY!

SANA NILUSOB NA LANG TALAGA ANG MALACANANG, TUTAL WALA NAMANG PRESIDENTE SA LOOB.

NAKALIBING NA, DECEMBER PA!

The Zenith of Cheesiness

This is not about my favorite topic Chiz Escudero.

I just had this vision (naks, vision!) of militant activists and opposition people serenading Malacanang and the house of Jovito Palparan with the song "Where is the Love."

Black Eyed Peas, pare!

What's wrong with the world momma, ika nga.

What do you think will Gloria and the rest her of her bloodthirsty minions would do to them?

Water bombing!

"F**k the love," screams Gloria.

"F**k you too," shouts the majority of the Filipinos.

Where is the love?

Don't ask this administration.

They don't know what love is.

Much more tolerance.

It’s the Ratio, Stupid

It seems that the Mike Defensor’s birthday wish for Gloria Arroyo will never come true. For those who care to remember, the Superboy(?) hoped that his president’s (?) vaunted temper will cease to explode. Before you can say what the f is that, the Manic Midget detonated first class tirades against Department of Education OIC Fe Hidalgo. Complete with a pang-FAMAS walk-out, the self-proclaimed best leader embarrassed the hapless cabinet member.

The big fuss is about classroom shortage. Hidalgo reported that there is about 6,000+ classroom shortage this coming school year. Since the cabinet meeting was covered by the media (there goes the REAL REASON for the flaring temper), it was the last thing Arroyo wants to hear. Gloria explained that there should be no shortage because she wants a one classroom is to one hundred students (1:100) ratio. On the other hand, Hidalgo maintains that the “ideal” ratio should be 1:45. Later that afternoon, Hidalgo apologized and admitted that she got her data wrong.

If you are a real Filipino, you know very well that the problem of classroom shortage is not only a persisting problem but also an old one. It seems to be as permanent as Gloria’s tooth problem. However, what really bugged me is the ratio that Gloria wants. One classroom is to one hundred students? Is she crazy? How the hell are you going to fit them all room? Well, the Manic Midget declared that it’s going to be a two-shift schedule. I’d say it’s a too shit schedule.

For crying out loud, the 1:45 ratio of Hidalgo is too much already and Gloria is demanding for 1:100. Tell me exactly Madam Cheater; do you want to defy the laws of physics? And do you really care about the country’s educational system?

Several weeks ago, there were reports showing the educational deterioration in the Philippines. It was embarrassing and saddening. With the latest pronouncements of Gloria Arroyo regarding her own “ideal” classroom to student ratio, our educational performance will continue to bring embarrassment and sadness.

The Reply

A few days ago, Rina Jimenez-David wrote about the loving goodbye of Mike Arroyo to his (desperate) wife - Amor, te quiero mucho. Yes. If not for the incriminating "Hello Manny" moment, I would have throw up more.

However, Ms. Jimenez-david left us an interesting question "So what did the president say in reply."

We could only speculate.

And that's what I'll do.

Possible replies of PGMA to her Spanish-speaking husband (feeling Ricky Martin ba?):

1. F**k you!
2. P****g I*a mo!
3. Hindi ako si Vicky Toh!
4. Que Barbaridad!
5. Huwag ka ng umuwi dito sa Pilipinas!
6. Ibalik mo kay Pacquiao ang phone, kailangan ko pa ng publicity!
7. Buhay ka pa pala Mike?
8. Bwisit ka! Alam mo ng allergic ako sa cellphone!
9. Goodbye. Luli sa susunod ikaw na ang sumagot kapag tatay mo ang tumawag.
10. Goodbye. Ay si Nani nag-text!

Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's 2006 New Year's Resolution

• I will only use my mobile phones for sending text messages. No more calls.
• I will regularly send Mike (my husband) abroad for his regular exile.
• I will forbid Mike (my environment secretary) from getting cozy with audiotape technicians.
• I will not trust anyone including a cigar-chomping ex-president.
• I will still but Inquirer but will only read the columns of Belinda Olivares and Mon Tulfo.
• I will not appoint another person with an insane nickname like Joc-Joc.
• I will always remember that popular widows are dangerous to my political career.
• Insinuating that popular news anchors bailed out suspected terrorists is a BAD IDEA.
• I will not allow Mikey to make another movie so that I could gain some respect from the movie industry.
• I will not use God's name in any of my magazine interviews, unless I want lightning bolts blow me up into smithereens.
• I will try to find an equivalent of Chiz Escudero from my faithful administration lawmakers. Lord help me...
• I will replace Drilon as Senate President with Bong Revilla. Patay sila!
• I will make sure that no CDs are sent to Ignacio Bunye.
• I will join Celebrity Pinoy Big Brother para at least makaranas ako ng mataas na ratings.
• I will try to give a really sincere speech.
• I will try to smile sincerely.
• And I will regularly drink my Growee Vitamins dahil tatangkad din ako!

Top Ten Reasons Why Gloria Arroyo Believes that God Talks Back to Her

1. She's getting delusional. First, she thought she won the elections, now she thinks she's having conversations with God.
2. Gloria knows that God cannot deny her statment - unless he sends lightning bolts in her direction.
3. She feels that the Filipinos will believe anything.
4. Arroyo knows that it's hard to wire tap her conversations with God.
5. Hey, this is the Philippines! Divine occurences here are as common as PAGCOR donations to bishops. If Marian statues cry blood why not bilateral talks between God and Ate Glo?
6. Schizophrenia. Bishop Cruz said that if you talk to God, it's prayer; but if God talks back to you, it's schizophrenia.
7. God moves in mysterious wys. And it could be as mysterious (and hilarious) as taking to a cheating midget.
8. There's actually a historical truth to her claim. Jewish kings talk to Yahweh. Japanese emperors are said to have descended from divine beings. It seems world leaders can really talk to God. I just don't know if a unelected/overstaing Malacanan visitor is allowed to talk to God.
9. We know it's a lie, but Gloria is a liar. She's just being consistent...
10. but it could be true. She did talk to the Lord... a jueteng lord.